December 03, 2009

Attraction? :)

Attraction is a funny thing. This naughty lil trouble takes over our mind like alcohol and stimulates the lust in us. Attraction makes us do everything that we’d regret later. In spite of knowing it, we happily let attraction take over our mind. Why?

May be, to achieve worthwhile moments which were mere fantasies ones? The period of attraction is magical. Your mind keeps on diving in the thoughts of that thing/person you are attracted to. You don’t show that you want it/him/her badly. You don’t even know whether you want them or not. All you know is that you like being with them. You like everything when they are around. You might not talk to them, but you’d keep a track of each and every step they take.

When you are done with it, you start regretting. Sometimes, you even think that it was stupid of yourself to fall for something/somebody of that sort. But memories jump in to play their tricky part. They toss your head in and out and make you relive that sweet time.

Attraction does not only leave regression, it also leaves broken bonds behind. Sweet, delicate, beautiful and broken bonds which you knew from the start were meant to be broken.
When you are attracted to somebody/something, somewhere deep in your heart you know the fact that it is not what you actually want. But you still fall for it/him.

It’s a short magical period which gives you nothing but still you want it at any cost. It’s like a stillborn baby. Which is dead at birth?

Attraction to me is a disease which I never let people know has caught me. ^_^ whatever it is, it’s lovely. I know it would not help me ahead in my life at all.
May be at some point of my life, someday, I chuckle at my stupidity and get the flash back of these wonderful moments. And believe me, that smile would be one of the sweetest smiles I wear.

Right now, I’m lovin’ it. Are you?

November 13, 2009

The Gazebo.

Her elbows were resting on Gazebo’s sill. It was a lovely orange morning. Bell sleeves of her white night gown were floating in warm summer air and strands of her wavy hair were covering her face. Suddenly, a distant creak echoed in her ears and she turned around. She saw someone in the wooden corridor. She was fiddling with her long sleeves and waiting or the face to come closer. ‘Who could it be?’ she thought curiously raising her eyebrows. After some time, the face was clear. But she didn’t recognize him. He was a total stranger. She waited for him to come and speak, but he came and passed her by without uttering a single word. She turned around and looked at him, stunned. He was standing exactly where she was couple of moments ago. She went to him, now standing side by side asked, ‘Who are you?’ He smiled without looking at her and said softly ‘I see you here everyday and today, I couldn’t resist coming. I want to see the magic, the miracle that you witness here in this Gazebo daily.’ She was still looking at him, after thinking a bit she said ‘Magic, Miracle? No way, there isn’t anything as such, I mean I come here daily and I have never seen anything magical here.’ She turned around and scanned the place quickly.’ No, nothing miraculous here, Nothing at all. What made you think so?’
He still wasn’t looking at her, spoke in a very soft and soothing voice’ Are you sure? Because, I see a miracle here everyday, and today, this place has turned even more magical. Tell me, are you the only one who knows about this miraculous Gazebo?’ She turned back at him, irritated now; spoke in a high voice which still sounded soft ‘what are you talking about? There isn’t anything magical or miraculous here. I know this place more than anyone else on earth! And I don’t know any magic. So, Mr. Whomsoever you are, will you finish your baseless, pointless, senseless story now?’ She spoke in a single breath. For the first time after his unusual arrival, he looked her in the eyes. His smile was still on his lips and his face was very calm and soothing. He gripped her shoulders gently ‘Lady, what’s wrong? Why are you so disturbed? Well, you obviously know the magic I’m talking about. You make it happen here, everyday. You know about it, how can you deny this fact when you witness it daily?’ He said.
Her lips pursed, she shrugged. Signaling him she didn’t understand a thing. ‘Ah, let me explain you. Everyday in the morning you come here. Don’t you?’ she nodded. He continued ‘and everyday when you come, you have drops of tears rolling down your cheeks. Your face looks terribly sad. But after some time, when I look at you again, I see you smiling, blooming. Sad grunts changes into lovely songs. Isn’t this magic? This Gazebo makes people happy. It shoos our sadness off. Makes our wishes come true. Isn’t it?’ she let go his hand off her shoulders. Avoiding eye contact she said ‘you have been stalking me? You were keeping a watch over me so that you can make fun of my tears? I know the likes of you. But I’m a hard nut to crack. Listen carefully; there is no magic in here. No miracles nothing! This Gazebo doesn’t make your wishes come true. I cry, because I feel like it and I smile because I want to. Gazebo doesn’t do anything! Yes! I do make wishes; stupid silly wishes which I know won’t come true ever! I ask for someone who exists in the fairytales and not in real. I know he’d never come but I still wish. And my wish hasn’t ever come true.’
She sat down slowly and there were tears in the corner of her eyes. She spoke again ‘please go away! I beg you, I don’t need anyone. Go! Please.’
He smiled again. Bent down and whispered in her ear ‘do you really want me to leave? Yesterday you were sobbing and calling out my name, saying you want me to come to take all your pains away. And today, you want me to go? Are you sure, Pavi?’
She looked at him stunned ‘To you? I used to call my angel not yo…’ and before she could finish her sentence everything faded to black she heard a faint whisper ‘I’m waiting, answer me, Pavi.’
Suddenly everything turned dark. And the next moment everything was bright. She removed her blanket, wore her slippers and ran towards the Gazebo in her white night gown…

October 21, 2009

Love Again.

Make me fall in love again
Help me live my life again
Pull me, Take me by the hand
To our world ...
Let the sun shine to its brightest
Bring down the sadness to its lightest
Pull me, Take me by the hand
To our world ...

I want to go there
Feel again the air
Where I kissed you
Where I loved you

Make me fall in love again
All all all over again

We were so in love
And then I got on your nerves
We fought so much
At the end, Lost so much.

Make me fall in love again
Help me live my life again
Pull me, Take me by the hand
To our world ...
Let the sun shine to its brightest
Bring down the sadness to its lightest
Pull me, Take me by the hand
To our world ...

September 09, 2009

Resting in peace.

Everyone has to die. And everyone knows that. My question is if death is the ultimate truth then why don’t we accept it happily? Here is Pavi. She chose the matter of her death and the way too.

It was too late to call it night, but you can’t call it morning as it’s too early for dawn too. Night’s brush dipped itself in the dark blue with the blackish tinge in it and painted the canvas of sky with millions of diamonds studded in it. She woke up. Went to everyone’s room and kissed their cheeks without them knowing. Sent SMS to all her friends. She wore her best dress, a light blue strapless gown with dark blue dust sprinkled on it. She let down her long curls and wore dark blue pearls in her neck. Without her shoes she stepped out. And went on, till she reached the bridge. Climbed up and looked around. And then slowly she let her legs slip into the enormous blue. First her toe, Knee and then the whole body touched the chilly water. She thought its going to be fun but it pricked her as thrones. For once she regretted and tried coming back up. But by now she was down enough to not get back and her chest, nose and eyes were burning as if was set on fire. After fighting with water and clutching it with failure she suddenly caught a glance of a starfish. Starfish smiled at her signifying her welcome. She smiled back. The water became strangely comfortable now. As she was drowning, her gown floated as if they were wings and her hair had spread upwards to form a micelle. They were looking like a tiara on her head. And she was looking like the water princess. ‘The blue water princess.’ She was still going down, deep in water. Then she saw goldfishes all around her. They looked happy and she felt cozy in between them. Their world was amazingly beautiful. She always wanted to fly but she never knew floating is much easier and adventurous. And now she was surrounded with stingrays. They were waving their tails. She waved back to bid them final good bye. Now everything was calm. Calm and quiet. First rays of sun entered and showered golden glitters on her. For once she looked up and smiled. She thought how beautiful this world is. She thanked everybody. Missed her family and friends. Kissed the necklace her love gave and started feeling sleepy. She had panicked enough. No energy left even to move her eyeballs now. Half sleepy, every time she blinked, that blackness bought the flash back of all her memories. Whether good, bad or related to nothing at all. And now she was a few inches away to the seabed where millions of lives must have turned into fossils and she was in the row. First her toe, knee and then the whole body touched the soft surface to lay down low among the tickling weeds. Her face was up and what all she could see was water. She thought -‘Ah! So long it took to complete this journey’. And then with bubbles around she started falling asleep. She thought ‘no need to panic no need to do anything, sleeping is good … silence is good’ It felt like she was on her mother’s lap. It was so calm, so quiet and peaceful everywhere. Felt like heaven. The ‘blue princess’ went to see the longest dream ever. RIP. Pavi…

Wasn’t that journey beautiful? The way she died was not painful or sad. Rather she made it wonderful. :) How do you wish to die?

Lyrics | Taylor Swift lyrics - Crazier lyrics

September 08, 2009

What is it with you?

I don’t really know what is it with you?
Whenever you are near I feel everything is new.
All my problems dissolve and
I know it is you who solves.
Without me showing,
Without me knowing.
You make me think so much, even the impossible. You have some powers.
You are out of this world. I want to meet you up above in the starry showers
Your smile just heals
All my pains and it deals,
Soothingly and
Come paint my world
Choose your own colors
I would not mind
Take your time.
I will just stare at you
Like little drops of dew
I don’t really know what is it with you?

September 03, 2009

Are you gone?

I’m here now
But I’m alone
You say you are around me.
But it seems like you are gone
There is nothing now
Not even the sound
I want to stay still
My world’s upside down
I often sit and cry. Saying:
‘Oh come soon! Please.’
Everything in my life is hard
Won’t you come and put them on ease?
Have you left? Or it’s just me?
Promises kept, till eternity
Come now, my world’s falling
Come now, my love’s calling
I try to gel around
Thinking, people would help
But I realize soon that
I cannot do your swap
I’m here now
But I’m alone
You say you are around me
But it seems like you are gone

August 25, 2009

And now I'm broken.

You can't let those people go, On whom you are totally dependent.
You can't let those people go, On whom you are totally dependent.

That day when I was sad, you made me smile.

You wiped all my tears, and helped me win the fight.

We have shared the moments I’d never forget …

You helped me gather back, when I broke down

I lost my hope and then to it, I found

It’s glad to find your arms wide open when I turn back …

You have put in all your best

So that I can fly out of my nest

You support me every time I fumble

And whenever nights are cold and dark

No one comes to light the spark

You would hold my hand and wouldn’t let me stumble.

But now I’m broken

I never knew things would turn this way out

Everything suddenly would disappear

But now I’m broken

Broken especially coz you are not around

Everything’s not always what it appears.

And now I’m broken…

I’m broken, into pieces.

I’m broken, and it teases.

I’m broken.

Just broken.

August 08, 2009

Being Sorry.

It is the result of my deeds I know.
I have forgotten, but you haven’t
At a go.
Promises I make,
Somewhere are erased.
This pain would remain,
I guess till a decade.

How would you believe me after my deeds?
There were promises which I said I’d keep.
My life has worn out
There is nothing I’m left with,
Only your love in my soul, and
Everywhere else underneath.

It is the results of my deed I know.
I have forgotten, but you haven’t
At a go.

Wounds are still there, somewhere deep.
I made promises in heaps.
It’s my mistake, no doubt.
Time is now still
Only your memories in my mind, and
Everywhere else beneath

It is the results of my deed I know.
I have forgotten, but you haven’t
At a go.

(Basically it’s said that To err is human. But I make use of that proverb too often. I make mistakes, intentionally or unintentionally and then say sorry. Someone once said me that being sorry is something serious. I can’t just say sorry and repeat it again. I’m trying hard to change myself.)

July 25, 2009

The Whispering Woods

Still too dark to wake up for others
Dead silence waiting for dawn.
Lazy flowers, Getting ready to bloom;
None sleeps forever, Sleep ain’t any doom.
It’s too dark to wake up, for dawn and to bloom,
Still some sound evades this thought
The whispers of the woods

This is a tale of a lady. A great lady who died unknown
She had this huge pain, which she hadn’t ever shown
Twelve years back from now this sad moment had come
This wasn’t ever recalled again, not even once by her.
Secret slept silently somewhere low in her soul,
She didn’t think she would ever empty the bowl.

On April the fifteenth she waited for her grand daughter
She felt excited, happy and relaxed to see her after so long.
‘Granny I missed you, we weren’t together all along’
‘There was a promise Mary, and it was very strong.
As you know I was in the prison, for once I had stolen bread
Because you were so hungry and your hunger couldn’t wait’. - She said

Twelve years she had waited for this time to come
Went to the prison for Mary and made caretaker to a nun
All because of the promise to her BFF she had done
‘Dear Rita, The secret has never been told,
I know Mary was a kid just 4 years old.’- She thought

Child Mary while playing had pressed
The trigger of his late Pa’s gun
And as her grand ma died, orphaned Mary was everywhere shunned
But because of her promise to Rita, she raised Mary till now.
‘Mary’s grown up and I need to tell her somehow.
Then what about the promise, the secret, the oath?
But it’s related to Mary, it can’t be left to her unknown.’

‘If I live, I would tell; the day I die, the secret’d be gone.
Switched off the lamp and with the same thought she slept.
On the dawn of the terrified dusk, when the secret had been recalled
Life of Mrs. Skitter after 92 years had its ultimate fall.
She was buried inside, deep down the earth
So did the secret which had so much or no worth

What’s this sound? Which’s breaking the silence near her grave?
No one knows the secret, on her soul which was engraved.
Still there is some sound, and these are the woods.
Woods are whispering the secret
The secret which faded with her vision
Would the whispering woods ever be listened?

June 26, 2009

I rely on hope so badly.

Eyes open. Wide open. What had happened?
I turned to look out from the window, Sky was dark with a tinge of blue and stars were still looking at me. My blanket was still wet.
'Why is my blanket wet?, Wait! Had I slept crying last night? Uggh!',
Talking to myself I figured out that my head was aching, badly. There is too much to think about.
I whispered 'O My God, Help me.' I stood up, And went straight away to the study. The lights were dim and my brain wasn't functioning like it does. Something attracted me to the study and I went clueless-ly.
'Man! What's that?' Suddenly I felt like I was flushed with light. Light that my eyes couldn't bear ... I used my hand to protect and then rubbed my eyes. When gradually I started landing safe with my brain, Thoughts and everything perfectly fine, I realized that this glowing rectangle was my Computer.
'Oh Mr. MagicBox!' I smiled.
'I didn't shut my PC down last night?' I said.
Strange thoughts started erupting like a Volcano. And suddenly within a friction of a second the whole story came in front of my eyes.
I remember how hard I tried on him; I remember how I compromised my self respect for him. And I remember how I was ignored. I shook my head 'No Pallavi, This is will take you no where' But still my hand couldn't stop ... I reached for something, and suddenly 'Bang!' there was a sound, Sound accompanied by tremendous pain. I had hit my self with the candle stand. And as the blood sprinted out building pace, I could feel the pain ... But this pain was nothing compared to that. I stood up, turned my PC off and went out. I decided to go upstairs. I don’t know what time back did I had a look at the Sun Rise. Whatever, It felt good. The cool breeze made me think of him again. And I felt it so soft on my skin that all my pains vanished with its feathery touch. Like he himself was touching me, consoling saying that
'Its fine, I will be fine, Gimme some time ... Please?'
For a moment I closed my eyes. My lips were pursed, And even my thoughts were. A moment of complete silence, Like I was buried in a deep sea and then I sensed the salty liquid. Salty yet sweet, miraculously.
'What am I doing? Losing hope so early? His friendship and he himself has given me so much strength that I can stand on his way forever, Forever until death doesn’t take over me. And I know he would some day come to know that we are meant to be forever friends.'
With that I smiled, A smile which wasn't meant to be a smile ... And then with all new hope and longings I went downstairs again. Retracing the same track,
Whispering 'Believe me, my intentions are selfless ...

I lie to myself daily. And I believe its not wrong.
Lies are sometimes good
especially when the hopes are so strong.'

June 22, 2009

Nothing Forever.

"We are friends, And you know what? it's forever."
They were overheard.
" I wouldn't want to talk to you from now. We can't be knowing eachother's whereabouts. We are strangers from now. And you are someone whom I hate the most."
They were overheard again.
And the girl is still at the door, figuring out things and sorting them his way. Hands are clutched to the grills and just one eye with a drop of tear visible from the other side of the room.
Why can't she stop looking? She should not care. Stop indulging in the case now!
The girl never gives up. She still cares. She still cries. And she actually is the soul of the body which being left alone inside.
There were promises and now there are longings.
Now she knows, That what she is left with is Nothing Forever.

June 03, 2009

Death and the Life

I'm lost in the midst of darkness and light
And where I stand is the difference between death and the life.
My vision has turned weak, No energy inside.
Frustration, Irritation, Illness personified.
What I seek now, Is hope, And a ray of golden light.
Pull me somewhere, To the left or the right.
I'm lost in the midst of darkness and light
And where I stand is the difference between death and the life.

('Pull me somewhere, To the left or the right.' Considering that Death is on the left and Life in the right.)

May 15, 2009

I wouldn't let you give up.

It was nearing midnight. There was a novel in my hand which was slipping through my brain without leaving the slightest trace of meaning behind. No, It doesn't mean that i don't have brains to understand the tough language of a novel :).

The problem was something else. I was worried. I stood up and decided to go out. Now I was walking through the patches of light & deep darkness created by the streetlights, Thinking 'Why am I so worried? What's taking my mind off everything?'

Then suddenly, my heart responded. He explained me that how 'he' (The Heart) starts working when mind becomes speechless.Then he reminded me about this -

Whenever a drop of tear tries to roll down my cheeks, A hand with feathery touch (Invisible, though that makes no difference) comes and wipes it off.

Whenever my lips fear stretching themselves a voice, Very familier tends to become the reason for my smile. :) And ..

Whenever I'm sad, someone encourages me to overcome my sadness.

And today 'He' -The Someone- is sad ... No more explanation needed. My heart made me realize that why I was sad and worried.

But what do I do? When my 'healer' himself loses all his hopes and gives up? And feels depressed to the core?

Answer- What I do, Is a desire. A secret desire to heal my healer's wounds. I promise (Not to him, But to myself) to put in all my strength and everything else that it takes for you my friend to smile :)

And believe me, Whenever all your connections and sources stop responding to your 'Help calls' I'd be standing there to pull you out of darkness. You wouldn't even need to seek cos I'd be there, awaiting, with my hand raised towards you. Not to point, But to lend it for help.

May 05, 2009

My life isn't easy, From the day you went.

(This poem is very close to my heart.I wrote it as it came out of my mind.So, Please don't mind the Ryhme scheme.I didn't want to change my sentences so wrote them as they were.)

Life isn’t easy, from the day you went.

Now I live alone in our home.                                                                   

No flowers on the door, No calls on the phone.

On a broken bridge, I stand alone

No long drive, No late nights.

Without you I’m a soul, whose life has dried.

I wish to come there too.

I wish I were with you.

Last night I cried, broke the promise

I made to you.

No jaan, I’m not weak, I don’t usually faint.

It’s just that

my life isn’t easy, from the day you went.

You asked me not to, but I still visit your grave

There isn’t anything I listen to, just the music you gave.

And I don’t eat chocolates; No one buys them for me.

No, I don’t have mates. They too went after you left me.

I still talk to you. But you never answer me.

And this reminds me of the game on phone

You played always to scare me.

I don’t keep our home tidy anymore

‘Cos no one admires it,& I feel so left alone.

I don’t wear the dresses I used to love the most

And when fake-sters show sympathy

I tell them to get lost

I spend my days with your memories

And I cry whole night cursing our destiny

Only one way out I see of this hell

I will come to you, and then together we’d dwell.

Would go to the forgotten world

Exactly, the one we use to dream about.

No, Don't speak! Don’t ask me to stay.

You don’t understand.

My life isn’t easy from the day you went

From the day you went …


Somewhere Midway

A spring that was lost in autumn,
A cloud that lost its silver lining.
A sun that lost its warmth and glow,
A star that’s no more shining.

A valley once serene, now lost
beneath layers of rock and sand.
A harp given up by an angel,
Being played in the devil’s hands.

There is still the monsoon there always was.
Now Intimidating to her. Fear, when with him, was unknown.
There are still all the seasons there always were,
They all seem like winter - an everlasting coldness - now that she’s alone.

A rainbow of seven colors,
Painted a dark shade of Grey.
A little girl who set out
with one she trusted.
He loved her, he’d always say.

And he let go of her hand
Somewhere midway.

The Knight

On My bed, near the window I lay,

Watching my dreams lightly carried away.

Delicate, glittering mirror strings

Were making moonlight dance.

Scene bought a curve on my lips

And I lifted my arms.

Pulled off my sheets, wrapped a stole


Walked to the window

Night was as dark as coal

I opened my fist and curled my fingers around the curtain


I slightly moved it, I was a bit scared and it was certain.

But I didn’t see anything

Instead of dark it was bright

There was a big tree and

Under it shadow of a knight.

Then I figured out a glowing string

Connecting his heart to mine

Neither the moon nor the stars

This was the source of dancing light.

He came up holding the string;

In my room through the window

My lips pursed,

Thinking what do I do?

He said: ‘I was the one who carried your dreams; I wanted to make them come true’

And then he whispered in my ears: ‘Baby I wanted to show, how much I love you’

My eyes wide open shocked and surprised.

Felt something so warm!

Ah! It’s tough to describe.

He lifted me in his arms and turned me around

Said: ‘sweetheart for you there ain’t no bounds’

‘No bounds? Oh! Sure,’ I said.

‘But there are bonds of love

Bonds so strong,

Which unknowingly are grown?’

We both smiled, I closed my eyes.

Knight turned romantic, such a master of disguise

He hold me tight, wrapped me in his arms

So close that our heart beats mixed

We made millions of unspoken promises

And with all our love, we kissed.

On my bed near the window WE lay

Watching OUR dreams coming true which were carried away?



A word with stars.

These Stars speak to me.

When it’s dark down here,

They fill colors in my destiny.

With void feelings, I stare at them.

But they don’t look back blankly.

They convey everything that I need to see,

And for that,

they whisper to me frankly

These stars speak to me

When it’s dark down here

They fill colors in my destiny.

Best Friends Forever.

We laughed at each other &

We cried together

At times we fought too

But that doesn’t matter.

‘Cos I remember that day you said to me

That you really care and we are meant to be

Friends forever

No matter, Whatsoever

Tries to defeat us

Comes in between us

We are Friends forever,

Forever and ever

Through passing infatuations

We faced miscommunications

Then discussions over silly things

Passed smiley indications

‘Cos I remember that day you said to me

That you really care and we are meant to be

Friends forever

No matter, whatsoever

Tries to defeat us

Comes in between us

We are Friends forever

Forever and ever

You wipe all my tears

Help me fight back my fears

& when I get back to normal

You make me feel you’re near

‘Cos I remember that day you said to me

That you really care and we are meant to be

Friends forever

No matter, whatsoever

Tries to defeat us

Comes in between us

We are Friends forever


Best Friends forever.