January 07, 2011

Boredom and obsession

So I am getting bored and I do not know what to do. My sister is talking to my Mom and they are laughing on me because of the way I live. I'm OBSESSED with someone and I am toootttaaaallllyyyyyy losing it! I dunno what's up with everyone else because I don't text them. My sis made me chai which is veryyyyyyyyyyyy tasty and I didn't brush my teeth as yet. I'm OBSESSED with someone and I dunno what to do about it! My sis is asking me whether she is fat or not and asking her MAD OR WUT? This is totally lame and gay but I am getting superduper bored. And guess what?


January 04, 2011

I admit, I'm bad.

Have you ever witnessed a situation totally messed up where everything has gone wrong and you are the one who is being accused or blamed? How do you feel when someone yells “Hey! You did it!” and most importantly, how do you react?

Irrespective of the fact whether you are guilty or not, the first tool that you choose is always a sword in defense. You reflex-ly shoot a straight no-I-did-not statement without even thinking whether you did it or not.

Now before going further let’s consider two cases when:-

a)       You are innocent

If you are being blamed for something you didn’t do, then the sword you have raised in defense is certainly going to help you win the dual. There won’t be any self pity even if you lose. Because you didn’t do anything wrong.

b)       You are guilty

If you are guilty, and you have already raised your sword, then there is a fat chance for you to win. You are a smart player. You know how to defend yourself. But there is one very big disadvantage. While you are at the task of making the world believe, that you are innocent, a part of you twitches somewhere at the back. You accomplish your task anyway.


Often in this process, you yourself forget that you were lying in order to make the world believe what you did was right or what you are saying is true. For instance, swing back to the times when you used to fake a fever to avoid school. While pretending that you are sick, you actually start feeling sick, isn’t it? You start living your own lie as a truth.

Today is a strange day, and I guess that’s why I am taking the pain of writing it all. This whole week has been weird. I have thought about past, present and future and after wondering over everything that I have been doing I have come to this conclusion –

I am a bad person.

Yes, and I am not afraid to admit that I have lied to my friends & family, I have been rude to my teachers, I have stolen money from my mom’s bag, I have bunked classes and have hurt so many people knowingly. My thoughts and behavior have been ill from past few days. My attitude and language has been unhealthy for so long … and I know that all this may come as a shock for you people, but me? I have known it all along. All this while, I was pretending to be good. But today, I have realized that it’s not bad to admit what you are or what you have been. Like every coin, every person too has two sides – Good and the bad.

So, if you say, “I am not bad” then I am extremely sorry sir, I am not going to believe you. Even Super Man has been bad. People might say “yes we have done bad things but we are good by heart.” What does that even mean, mister? Why do you have to hide all your bad deeds behind statements as such? Like sky and the earth, like dawn and dusk, like yin and yang … bad has always been as essential and as obvious to exist as good. We all have a hidden and dark side of us. So if today I admit all those bad things that I have done, then it doesn’t make me a bad person. On the contrary it raises me above the ones who are still carrying the guilt on their shoulders just for the sake of portraying a good image to the world.

We have to realize that our life is for us to live. Being pretentious so that someone else will like it is just another way of wasting our time. We all are good & bad and not good or bad. If we can hold that pride for everything good we have done, then we should be gutsy enough to swallow the same pride and be honest to the world about our bad deeds.

What matters the most is our life and the people who are a part of it. You are comprised of good and bad, and the people who love you; they love both the sides of you. Our parents catch us so many times when we lie, but what do they do at maximum? They punish us, stop talking to us for several days or may be ground us. But do they hate us? No. So, if you are hiding your dark side from someone because of the fear of losing, then don’t. For if they really love you, then, they are going to be staying exactly where they are, no matter what.