You moved Atul

It's been like ages I haven't done things which once I used to think I'd never give up on but here I'm not doing nothing becoming lazier day by day so lazy that I'm not even gonna pause or stop this sentence until and unless someone in the room moves what the fuck man. Help. 

I really do

x)

Soup.

It's been a weird weekend. Nothing to do yet so much to tell. Flatmates are out for a roadtrip. Bikes, villages, boys, adventure and all that. it's just me and Simone home. Cashless. It's Sunday morning and it's a weird Sunday morning. Also, I hate spell check, it's almost like a reality check -_- 
So today when I got up, Simone asked me if I'd go to Church with her. I said no because I wanted to sleep more WHICH I didn't. I was watching Gossip Girl instead. Yusss guys, that's right. I was the one who used to curse this show the most and here I'm, watching it. But the only reason being, shortage of anyother movies/series/stuff to watch. Anyways, what moved my dragon ass from bed was the doorbell when Simone got back. After that there might have been a short tiff between us on something I don't remember but that's when (outta frustration? I guess) I started doing dishes which I'd decided I won't earlier >.> I cleaned the whole kitchen, made soup for myself and came to the room to finally sit and sip it in peace. 


But it's only now that I have realized I didn't want it.
I. Didn't. Want. The Soup. 
Why did I make it then... why?
I have so many things I don't want. I do so many things I don't have to. Just to take this one badassuglumotherfuckingmonster outta me. 
I wish there was some other way.
Well, I guess there is, not sane though. Or whatever.


The only thing I'm worried about right now is this soup. How am I gonna fineeeeeeesheeet >____<


Btw, you guys remember 'Rishtey' 
nonono not the movie. The series. On Sony or Zee... I don't remember. =\ But it was pretty awesome. I used to love that show as a kid. 


and give a suno to this awesome song by sum41 =]

Priceless.

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You feel this sudden urge of meeting your family, and there is nothing on earth, venus, mars, Jupiter that can help you fight this feeling. That. 

*speaksinasinglebreath*

Saturday evening, I go nuts. My brainnoodles dried and tangled with no soup left in them starts stinking.

That's exactly when I realize I need to refuel from home station. So what I do is, RUN.

It takes a *verylucky* mode of Pavi to get a bus without any trass. I veryhappily board the bus. 

But our DearGod never wants Pavi to experience anything boring in her life. Every moment is supposed to be full of #fail cuz only then, she will realize that how important it is to say bye bye to her dragon ass and mix a li'l adventure in her boringassboring life. 

So he did.

A 9 (11 at max!) hour journey was completed in 2_|_8 hours! To my family, my surprise hit as a shock. I made an already mad mom, madder. Do you understand the seriousness of it?

But, well. I admit it was (only a little) stupid of me to just come home without any prior bookings and all that. Anything could have happened cuz people in the bus were shadylike. The point is, I made it home. x)

And since I'm a very goodchild I bought my Mommy a present ^_^ which happens to be a Bournville. C'mon, a chocolate was all I could afford with the amount of chillar I had. Don't judge me. My Mom didn't =]

On a serious note, it feels great, you know

When you want to do something and that's the only thing you want at that time

You know it, not even deep down, you know it then only, how stupid it is!

But not matter what ... how crazy it seems, you do it. Leaving no room for regression. 

And that feeling ... 

*this* feeling 

is priceless :)

We all have hugeass problems in our lives, but these tiny little easily-achievable moments can provide us respite from our bitchylife very effectively.

Only because I came home the way I did, I'm not happy, but I feel great. Awesome.

Btw, I just realized how lame was the title of my last post -_-

Keep it Dimple, with an 'S' xD

Only MY world iz on resume today, okkeh? The other worlds (Read: Your worlds) are on pause mode, yes. Have you seen those movies in which the lead only moves and people around them are freezed?
(Or frozen? Whateverrr. I like 'Freezed' betta!)
Yea so, That. x)


< Dramamode >


“Tell me one last thing,” said Pavi. “Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?”

*Drumrolls, Deco change, exit - sweeping ghosts*


|ENTER - DUMBLEDORE|


“Of course it is happening inside your head, Pavi, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” 



< /Dramamode >


Khekhekhe


(Oh btw, that laugh reminds me... Y'day I read this girls awesome status on facebook which says -


 'Hick Hick! dnt wnt to go hostel again!! :( '


 Wtf is Hick Hick? o.O lol)


My Dad used to always ask me to concentrate, but I was a kidmadwomun back then, tch!
Ok ok no deviation. 
The point is, imma analyze you now. More like 
'Bitch wtf are you upto let me just scan you inside out'. 
And the reason being - Confusion - Yusss. 


All of you are awesome (Read - AWESOME!) at confusing me to the core of Teh Core. 
The way you react, is NOT normal x|


I dunno what izzit that you want
I dunno what!


So imma study, imma find out, yo nigga! Yoyoyoyoyoyyoyo *cool shades on* lol. jk.


All I'm trying to imply here is, I. LOUUU. SIMPLICITY. Gimmethat!


When I say 'Haaai!', you HiBack.
When I say 'Sup!', you TellMeSup!.
When I ask sth, you TellMeEverythingInASimpleUnderstandableLanguage
When I offer help, you JustAgree, save me the modesty.
When I don't talk, you ForFuck'sSakeDONOTTALK!
When I buy you a drink, you BuyMeTwoDrinks! jk =P 


BECAUSE. IAM. NOT. A. CYBORG!


Geddit?
Kthnxbaai!

What's past this - I

All the importance that memories hold is due to the illusion they create. Memories keep providing us with the proofs of our existence... that the 'I' in us was there when we had experienced the moments of both indifference and curiosity. Our life is like a treacherous bridge. Our memories let us look back and we remember every cavity we'd fallen into, as well as the times when we owned the run of this bridge.

This was the third time she had seen the same dream over again - The mild scent of the wet soil, tiny raindrops on the green grass of the football ground, surrounded with hills and forest and... his face. It is impossible for her to sleep now. Thoughts...memories...life everything revolved around her, with no intentions of losing their pace, like the planets. Her throat clenched, her eyes puffy with dark spheres around them and her mind entangled in the roots and branches of practicality and dreams. She thought about those two hours, again.

'Hey, um... when were you leaving you said?'

'Yea... Hi, around 7.'

'Oh, Okay. All packed?'

'Almost'

'Okay'

'Pallavi...?'

'Yea?'

'I want to meet you, before leaving'

'Sure, text me when you are out'

Rains, he'd said once, are always a bad omen, for him. She didn't totally understand what he meant when he said - 'That day too, it was raining', and never even asked him. But she didn't know that what he said was genuinely true, she didn't know that even today, it was going to rain.

She had slowly grown accustomed to this tentative but not-so-pleasant fact that her rest of the life, here, is going to be like this. Without him, without noone. 

All these days of resistance, she thought, had done no good to her. And today, the last day, she just cannot not show him what she actually felt. She reached the field before him and decided to text him only after convincing herself to not cry or react in any way that seems stupid. She texted him 

'Hey I'm in the field. Waiting.'

- 'Already? I'm coming.'

She saw him coming from a distance. He must have felt her gaze at him, with a half-bewildered, half-graceful smile on her lips. She was like a baby, who would - in her determination of exploring the world - reach out, cherish the strange things around for a while, and then start getting scared with the fear of getting stepped on, and would flinch and crawl back to him bruised and confused. 

After their break up, she hardly noticed, hardly cared about anything around her. She had passed these days in a distant corner of her mind. In a state beyond dream and disillusionment. There, the future did not matter and past held only this wisdom : That love was a damaging mistake and its accomplice, hope, a treacherous illusion

But somehow that day everything changed. All those assumptions, understandings and conclusions were the nothing but results of all the hasty decisions she'd made.

'Let's go to the cafe, did you eat anything?'

'Nope, let's go, I will eat you otherwise!'

Out of all the other things they both shared, this was one thing she adored him the most for. He made everything so easy. She could tell him whatever she felt like - deepest, darkest, ugliest, grossest, weirdest things on earth, without any hesitation.

Crow, rat, rains and confusion.

What's wrong with me? I start working on something, all excited and pumped up, and as I go towards the end I fuck it. I guess it's my confusion that shows in my work.

Sooopar confused person I be.

Btw, I'm really happy cuz I don't have a phone. I'm mean I do but I don't use it since I'm roaming. So no texting-calling headache. Hate is a heavy word but I have lost my interest in mobile phones and everything related to them, you see.

I was with Riddhi and Pranav the other day, we were walking and I don't remember when exactly but look what I saw!

Click on the image for a larger version

This dumb crow ate the rat, Poora! And after a while walking near Pranav's house I *almost* stepped on another dead rat. So I'm wondering, since then. What they showed in Dhobhi Ghat really happens? Do they really hire men to kill rats at night?

I just fineeeshed my cereal. I like it when it's fully soaked in milk and becomes gummy-chewy. My sis says she would puke cats and dogs if she eats it. Maybe, idk. I have had those omg-wtf-eww-yuck comments and expressions before and thus I always know they are coming. I don't care.


I've always wanted to see what Mumbai is like during rains. Cuz I have only seen it in either winters/summers. Now when I'm here, I want to go home. I keep chasing things. I get one, and start chasing another. I collect what I wish but I don't seem to cherish it. I just chase.

I keep chasing. Will that lead me anywhere? Is there an end to it?

Death of M.F. Hussain

‘Atulya Bharat’ is what we call it in our campaign. India sure is incredible. A land where problems like corruption, female foeticide, child abuse, rape, illiteracy and unemployment can wait but issues like offensive lyrics in Bollywood songs cannot. Members of hard-line organizations and political parties have always been sensationalizing such petty issues for fulfilling their never-ending thirst of popularity and support. These groups instil stereotypical ideas in the brains of their following communities.  This morning, while cursing the boredom and sipping my lukewarm coffee I happened to read the news which stated ‘Indian Picasso died in London’. It came as a shocker to me. What harm had M.F. Hussain done to us? A reputed artist who had been awarded with Padma Bhushan, Padma Shree, Padma Vibhushan and nominated for Rajyasabha by The Government of India was living in exile for long five years, why?

M.F. Hussain was charged for hurting the sentiments of people by painting Hindu Goddesses naked and in allegedly sexual manner. On the other hand, the city of Khajuraho has been identified as a heritage city by the Indian Government. It is an ancient city which contains erotic art sculptures on the outside walls of the temples. In fact, portrayal of Hindu deities has always been artistic in an erotic way. Art knows no boundaries. If the art of Khajuraho can be honoured why can’t be Hussain’s? Paintings like Mother India and Rape of Mother India are the paintings which depict the truth. By doing what they did, they have escaped the reality. It is hypocritical to place curbs on an artist’s freedom. All this in 20^th century, what a country! Death of M.F. Hussain in exile, away from home, is a disgrace for our nation. Rip, Hussain. 




Controversial Paintings by M.F. Hussain -

'Durga' By M.F. Hussain

'Saraswati' By M.F. Hussain

'Mother India' By M.F. Hussain

'Rape of Mother India' by M.F. Hussain

Think

People think, life becomes easy when we get what we want.

Think.

Construction site in college - pwned!

Not-so-strange strangers

It was noon. Dry heat and irritating weather. We were in a bus which was jam-packed. There were men chewing Paan, women stinking, snotty-nosed kids crying, 'Babuji zara dhire chalo' playing in someone's 'China' phone. Everything was ugly. I was going through the pics from last outing and suddenly I saw them. Not smiling, not talking, not amused ... just sitting. They didn't even pass that 'Whoa!' (in rajasthani :\) look at the cam. I dunno who they are, but they made my day.

Improvement!

Goku

                                                                      Gohan - The keed

                                                                      Gohan - Grown up
I'm improving, ain't I? xD Although I still suck at it, but one day, one fine day, one fucking fine day, I will make Photoshop my bitch xD Oyusssiweeeeeeeel! 

The first something I photoshopped!

 No this is not self-obsession. I chose this picture because it was easy to work on it. And trust me howmuchever simple and unskilled this is, I love it. This feeling is blissful.

That not-thinking mode and simple things around.

She was sitting with her legs drawn to her chest underneath the pale blue dusking sky. There were hurricanes of thoughts revolving in her head. Concentration had become God like, Unattainable. Her eyes were sandwiched between her head and knees and when the darkness grew intolerable, she opened her eyes. 

Her eyes couldn't yet focus but she could see the dodgy lining of the mountains in front of her and beyond that, was the setting sun. Why was she so sure that the sun was there? Because she has been told all her life - Sun rises in the east and sets in the west. She never wondered whether it was true or not. She doesn't even want to, for now. Up higher, was a fine white line formed by a Jet plane. 

With a smile she stretched her arms and legs; laid her back at the soft green grass and the view from here was made up of a wide blanket painted with dusky blue till the point her eyes could see, with white fluffs sprinkled on it here and there. 

By now, she had forgotten every single thought her brain was producing a moment back. She took a long breath and started staring at the sky.

The sky changed its colour, an even darker shade of blue, it was wearing before had now settled down, above.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere a tiny shiny star appeared. Her lips widened up. Eyes started scanning the whole sky. One by one she witnessed eight glowing stars in the sky which was almost blank some minutes back.

And her hurricane-ofied head? It felt like there is a big empty stable room inside, unoccupied. 

She involuntarily uttered one small word - 
'Wow' 
and closed her eyes again, with a childlike smile on her face.

Her Mp3 player shuffled the next song - Crying Song by Pink Floyd, realization dawned and temporarily her problems didn't exist anymore.

-

Some moments are so simple yet beautiful & soothing, that they take over all the miseries and sorrows in our lives till the time they live. <InsertAVeryHappyFaceHere>

Although these moments are short-lived, Collect some. 

What can be more awesomer?

Hallowed be thy name!

Boredom and obsession

So I am getting bored and I do not know what to do. My sister is talking to my Mom and they are laughing on me because of the way I live. I'm OBSESSED with someone and I am toootttaaaallllyyyyyy losing it! I dunno what's up with everyone else because I don't text them. My sis made me chai which is veryyyyyyyyyyyy tasty and I didn't brush my teeth as yet. I'm OBSESSED with someone and I dunno what to do about it! My sis is asking me whether she is fat or not and asking her MAD OR WUT? This is totally lame and gay but I am getting superduper bored. And guess what?


I am OBSESSED!

I admit, I'm bad.

Have you ever witnessed a situation totally messed up where everything has gone wrong and you are the one who is being accused or blamed? How do you feel when someone yells “Hey! You did it!” and most importantly, how do you react?

Irrespective of the fact whether you are guilty or not, the first tool that you choose is always a sword in defense. You reflex-ly shoot a straight no-I-did-not statement without even thinking whether you did it or not.

Now before going further let’s consider two cases when:-

a)       You are innocent

If you are being blamed for something you didn’t do, then the sword you have raised in defense is certainly going to help you win the dual. There won’t be any self pity even if you lose. Because you didn’t do anything wrong.

b)       You are guilty

If you are guilty, and you have already raised your sword, then there is a fat chance for you to win. You are a smart player. You know how to defend yourself. But there is one very big disadvantage. While you are at the task of making the world believe, that you are innocent, a part of you twitches somewhere at the back. You accomplish your task anyway.

-

Often in this process, you yourself forget that you were lying in order to make the world believe what you did was right or what you are saying is true. For instance, swing back to the times when you used to fake a fever to avoid school. While pretending that you are sick, you actually start feeling sick, isn’t it? You start living your own lie as a truth.

Today is a strange day, and I guess that’s why I am taking the pain of writing it all. This whole week has been weird. I have thought about past, present and future and after wondering over everything that I have been doing I have come to this conclusion –

I am a bad person.

Yes, and I am not afraid to admit that I have lied to my friends & family, I have been rude to my teachers, I have stolen money from my mom’s bag, I have bunked classes and have hurt so many people knowingly. My thoughts and behavior have been ill from past few days. My attitude and language has been unhealthy for so long … and I know that all this may come as a shock for you people, but me? I have known it all along. All this while, I was pretending to be good. But today, I have realized that it’s not bad to admit what you are or what you have been. Like every coin, every person too has two sides – Good and the bad.

So, if you say, “I am not bad” then I am extremely sorry sir, I am not going to believe you. Even Super Man has been bad. People might say “yes we have done bad things but we are good by heart.” What does that even mean, mister? Why do you have to hide all your bad deeds behind statements as such? Like sky and the earth, like dawn and dusk, like yin and yang … bad has always been as essential and as obvious to exist as good. We all have a hidden and dark side of us. So if today I admit all those bad things that I have done, then it doesn’t make me a bad person. On the contrary it raises me above the ones who are still carrying the guilt on their shoulders just for the sake of portraying a good image to the world.

We have to realize that our life is for us to live. Being pretentious so that someone else will like it is just another way of wasting our time. We all are good & bad and not good or bad. If we can hold that pride for everything good we have done, then we should be gutsy enough to swallow the same pride and be honest to the world about our bad deeds.

What matters the most is our life and the people who are a part of it. You are comprised of good and bad, and the people who love you; they love both the sides of you. Our parents catch us so many times when we lie, but what do they do at maximum? They punish us, stop talking to us for several days or may be ground us. But do they hate us? No. So, if you are hiding your dark side from someone because of the fear of losing, then don’t. For if they really love you, then, they are going to be staying exactly where they are, no matter what.

What the actual fuck?

Tonight, I saw these two batch-mates of mine, giggling and running. Over joyed & screaming 'Attendance tiiiiiiiiiiiiime!' and instantly this question swooped in my mind - In which strange parallel dimension will I start enjoying the 'Attendance' part here at my hostel? This is what I call the height of ‘gheyness’. You gotta line up, stand quietly and put your cell phones on silent mode plus you are not supposed to use them. (Sure, and the class teachers are mad to leave the classes in anger for the same reason, how can ‘Teh Wardens’ expect us to obey?) As if we are your prisoners. Ladies, we won’t run away. If promising would provide us a respite from attending this ritual daily then, well, GawdPraamise!

And Ms. Warden(s), one thing that I really long to tell you is that this isn't a boarding school's dorm. We are in UG courses and major citizens of this country womunn! And if you of all people want to teach us the basic manners then, You, Medaaaam ji, must know, that we don’t wear the same Salwaar for 3 days and that it's not 'shot' it's 'sort' and 'cigarette' and 'secret' are two different things. Very different.

And this other, very awesome lady, wears a oh-so-trendy hair band and thinks dunno what of herself. Lady! You are a fashion disaster and you are not YOUNG. Stop spreading your i-am-this-young suchna on every floor.

I have even seen asslickers here who babysit the third warden’s kids and I tag them SooparChuts. And some seniors in this hostel have no better work to do. For example, the proctors. They take your attendance and they DON'T go. They stay. They stay till they don’t eat every single strand of your brain noodles. They tell you that you didn't wish them when they passed by you for the 30kth time this morning. They tell you that while walking with your boyfriend you were laughing loudly and didn’t notice them (Obviously, mentioning themselves everywhere IS important for them. Veryveryvery important) and they even teach you how to sit in the cafe. As if the four wardens aren't enough. Please guys. Being this uncool is unhealthy. Trust me.

Oh and the attendance time? One hour of full torture. They shout like madwomen. This is how they pass their time, methinks. Poor wardens. Nothing to do all day long. Shouting for no reason might add to their might is it? Too wise a thought, ladies. Great job there. Keep doing it. You ladies might become next ‘Cruella’ in kiddy tales. I’m betting on you.

Walking with your Memories

It’s a clear and sunny day to them, but I see silver clouds hanging around me. I keep walking, and it feels like I’m walking in the desert, barefoot. Every tick goes by…aches… like the pulse behind a bruise. I miss those mornings, when vibrations with a sweet text used to wake me up and those times when fortitude of texting back took over my laziness every afternoon. And I miss those long, sleepless, arousing nights too.

My head is filled up with his memories. And in a way, I’m glad…because these memories are my only reminder that he was real…that those times were.
When I look around, flowers don’t fascinate me… I feel like their beauty is lost…like me. And when I look back down, I see the road and I see us there, amused, looking each other in the eyes, as if there is a projector up somewhere.

Seems like I been walking from years, though it’s been a while I stepped out from my home. It’s funny how the distance from home to the park suddenly increased and it never did when we wanted to. Everyday, I stop myself, but I feel like its involuntary, I don’t go there something draws me towards it. And the other reason could be that that’s the only place where I’m me. That’s the only place where I don’t have to wear a fake smile to show the world that I’m fine. And may be because that is the place where my hopes of seeing him… again… come to life.

Those heavy, decayed iron gates are now standing in front of me, shut. Like they were, three years back, when we came here for the first time in search of a lonely place. Who on earth would go to an old carbide factory in search of peace? He would. I open the gate, and get in. I see the boulevard where once we used to walk, linking arms. “Riddhi, every time I come here with you, it feels like heaven” he’d said once.

I’m standing still, starring far down the street. The unceasing drone of the city muffles here. The dusk is sucking all the light around me, literally. There is just a single lamp, illuminated, glaring at me. I ghost past the factory and the workshop. Till now, I tried my best, but whenever I see this park, all my feelings and emotions start flooding this place.

I push the gates open. Darkness of the dead park dissolves all the light coming from the lamp, still glaring at me, from a distance. I move towards the end…the end of my journey. I sit down near the bench, drawing my legs up to my chest. I try … I try a lot, but my tears just don’t stop. Whenever I come here, my brain stops functioning, I go blank.

But it’s for the last time, that I’m coming here. And I’m not alone, I brought something with me. I don’t know how this entire idea would look like to the world. But I’m still doing it. Yes, leaving you a letter where no one comes, not even you, IS stupid. What else can I do?

-

She takes out a letter from her pocket and puts it on the bench and walks back, somewhere.

-

The Letter


Dear love,

When you left…you took everything with you, but your absence is everywhere I look. It’s like a huge hole that’s been punched through my chest. I shout my lungs out, I call you back, but you never come. I have this aching need to hear your voice, in my ears again.

Sometimes I think, is there a possibility, that all I had was just what I longed? Were you real? Were we? You were like the beautiful melody that played in my long nights. And now, when my world is falling apart, I need you, to hug me like the stars hold the moon in the sky, right there where they belong. My life, with you was like a kaleidoscope, filled with colours and light. And now you broke it.

Just give me back those days because I’m mad…mad about you. I want to hold your hands and walk in the park again. I want you to chase me in the woods again I…I want you to kiss me again …like you did, before you left. I cannot not want all this.

And if it was a dream, make me sleep again, forever or comeback. Please.

Nothing’s left unspoken. And there is nothing I can rely upon, except your memories which sometimes bring my smile back…which are always with me when I’m alone…which keep you…alive…in my heart.
Waiting for you to reply.

I miss you. And more than that, I miss being loved

Yours forever
-Riddhi

Riddhi never came back to that park ever again. But still every morning she thinks of him, every sunset she imagines him with her. And foolish though it may seem, she still waits for him to call her back ... to the park.